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Wednesday, December 28, 2011

To Have & To Hold

At any given moment, I try to be aware of which celebrity I would choose if I had to marry a celebrity. (It's important that I always know the answer to this question because, frankly, so many celebrities are trying to marry me.)

Just kidding. (About the second sentence. The first one is totes true.)

I suppose I try to be aware of my choice because I so frequently ask my friends whom they would choose. (Also, it's sort of an outgrowth of my general love of celebrities.) I particularly like to ask my guy friends, but I have a tendency to lambast their choices. Really? You all want to marry Natalie Portman? Really?

For approximately five and a half years of my life (2003-2008), the celebrity I would have chosen was Clay Aiken. He had this cute North Carolina accent, and he was a Christian, and he was totes smart, and he could sing like an angel sent from the heavens above. Also, his hair was pretty awesome. And sometimes he wore glasses. And he was totes hilar. He was 24 when I, age 14, first felt in love with him, which posed some logistical issues, but, you know, nothing that like four years of waiting wouldn't solve.

Then Clay came out, and my world crumbled. Just kidding. It didn't crumble. Unless getting a whole lot of I-told-you-so phone calls and then having to rewrite your entire life plan counts as having your world crumble. In which case it did.

So I have not really had an excellent celebrity husband choice since 2008. I present you with a few of my favorite celebrity options:

The problem is these guys aren't actually viable options. They're either not Christians, too old, too married, too Mormon, or too dead. (#toosoon?)

I've decided recently, however, that the celebrity I would choose is Adam Young, a.k.a. the guy from Owl City.

He totes loves Jesus, his lyrics are creative and sweet, he's adorbs, and his tweets have me convinced that we're a perfect match. He could even wear that outfit to our wedding. I would be all about that. Your move, Adam Young, your move.

Which celeb would you marry?


  1. Aubrey Plaza for personality and humor, Annie Clark for musician-ness, and Gina Carano for her MMA fighting skills = jordans dream girl (suck it natalie portman!)

  2. I'm surprised that one of your criteria is MMA fighting skills, but overall I'm impressed. Way to put thought into your choice, Jordan!

  3. I believe you are going about this all wrong, what you want to do is find that unfound talent before anyone else does, surely in all your circles there is someone bound to be at least a B-list celebrity at some point. With all of your celebrity stalking, i mean celebrity knowledge, you surely have developed a keen eye for celebrity potential. So what you want to do is marry that dude before he is discovered, let 10 fun years go by and "oh my goodness, my husband is famous, who would've guessed?"

  4. i was unintentionally signed in to Kelly's blog, u might get a kick out of it, but wanted to clarify the above post was written by David Jones and link is to the one and only Kelly Jones blog.

  5. Your commenting profile picture is really pretty, Kate!

    One option would be Zachary Levi, the guy who voices Flynn Rider in "Tangled." (He's also the lead in "Chuck.") He's a Christian; he can sing; he's really hot; and his middle name is one of the twelve tribes of Israel, which is so important to me.

  6. I typed out a response, but it was kind of like a big Jesus Juke.

    So I'll just say this:
    Natalie Portman is a saint. If I absolutely had to choose, it'd probably be her. I think she's probably a good go-to for a lot of people because she isn't promiscuous and trashy, and she is artsy and intelligent (Harvard grad). Her or Zooey Deschanel.

  7. @David, I like the way you think. Now I'm going to try to figure out which friend of mine is most likely to be famous.

    @Gwen, thanks! Zachary Levi does sound promising. My friend sat next to him at church in L.A. one time. Let's try to meet him.

    @Keith, Natalie Portman is Jewish, sooo she can't really be a saint. Can you tell I've had this debate repeatedly?

  8. I know so little about the personal lives of celebrities that my choice would be solely based on looks. And I can't go around looking shallow on the World Wide Web, now can I?

    [But if I had to pick, it would totes be Hugh Jackman. He's gorgeous, and played Wolverine. What more could a girl want?]

  9. Jason Bateman, eh? Interesting. I really love Adam Brody looks-wise, but he's kinda off the radar so I'll go with Jude Law.

  10. @Melissa, Hugh is a good choice based on those criteria. Also, I should prob make more of an attempt not to look shallow on the WWW. This blog isn't helping.

  11. @Mar, how did I forget Adam? Love him.

  12. I have been waiting to read this post since you texted me about it! I will be thinking of my answer and will get back to you. Obviously, I also need time to think about this because gorg celebs are ALWAYS trying to marry me! It's ridiculous.

    I think the amount of Zooey-lovers is outnumbering the amount of Natalie-lovers. But, maybe that's just a northern thing?

    I also approve of marrying someone with the potential of becoming a B-list celebrity. I started thinking about that in 2005.

  13. Love this post! You are hilarious!!!

    Um... can I choose the Christian version of Channing Tatum? Thanks.


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