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Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I'm a nervous wreck.

I just talked whined to my big brother for 40 minutes about Mizzou. Seriously.

You've already heard my freak-outs about how much I want to go there, but every day that passes without my knowing whether I'm admitted increases my neuroticism about the subject.

That sentence doesn't even make sense. I read it back and thought to myself, "Why would the world's best journalism school admit me when I can't even structure a sentence?" See. Neuroticism.

This whole graduate school admissions process has created the perfect storm for my particular flaws.

I worry too much + I find my identity in my grades + I'm too concerned about what other people think about me + I'm impatient + I never feel like I've done a good enough job + I forget that God has my best interest in mind + I don't take criticism well + I feel everything intensely + I obsess
= I am one mess of a grad school applicant.

Jack, being the awesome brother that he is, sent me these Calvin and Hobbes cartoons. Apparently Calvin and I are the same person.


So now I'm just trying to reassure myself of things that I don't feel.
Things like:
  1. God has great plans for me.
  2. My own personal value is not dependent on whether or not I get admitted to grad school.
  3. I will end up with a job. I will.
  4. Not getting in now doesn't mean never getting in. (How's that for sentence structure?)
  5. Grad school has no eternal significance.
  6. And, again, God has great plans for me.
"Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:5-8 NLT

6 comments:

  1. That comic cracked me up! I definitely relate to Calvin/you :)

    Definitely keep praying, and as so many of my friends told me, if you're aligning yourself with God's will for you, and you feel as if he's put a desire in your heart, he's not going to disappoint you.

    One thing God has spoken, two things I have heard: “Power belongs to you, God, and with you, Lord, is unfailing love”; and, “You reward everyone according to what they have done.”
    -Psalm 62:11-12

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  2. Love that Psalm. I'm so sorry you are stressed, but I am praying that all this works out :)

    You're awesome.

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  4. http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2010/12/the-soft-x/

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  5. Oh Kate! I can't believe they're making you wait this long! I can totally empathize: I'm the least patient person ever.
    Also as a side note, when I was thinking about going to grad school, Mizzou was my first choice and the only one I would have applied to.

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Please and thank you.

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